She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
