1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
