I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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