Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
