u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
