im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
