just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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