I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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