another moral hangover. fuck.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
