You really coming over, don't trick.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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