coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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