Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
