I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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