4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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