your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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