everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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