I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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