i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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