That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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