his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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