I need to stop coming to work sober
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
