i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
