I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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