Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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