Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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