Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
