What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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