I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
