i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
