I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
