i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
