I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
