I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize