i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
