Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I smell like Dick and happiness
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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