I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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