Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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