i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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