my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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