I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
