Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
