i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
