im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
