uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
