i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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