I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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