You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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