Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
it's like iHOP with fire
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
