there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
