So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
