I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
