I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
