What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
