FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
