I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
