I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Drunk is a universal language darling
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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