she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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