i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
