hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
