Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
