Pappa wants mamma naked
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He? As in you personified your dick?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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