I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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