In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
