hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
