I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Randomize
