When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
