hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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