i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
