I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize