you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize