R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
