i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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