Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize