wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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