I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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