This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
