is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just blew my weed a kiss
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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