I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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