Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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