I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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